Saturday, March 28, 2009

iPhone and the Personal Reed

The Management has been enjoying a new iPhone this week and realizes the similarities of a Personal Reed and the "App Store"...


That's all.

M. Well


Personal Reed this morning made a comment about the Management's somewhat, odd?, if not strange Sense: of and the use theReof "Punctuation!!!!"?

The management advises Personal Reed in this obscure reference, to study the collected works of E. E. Cummings.

That's all.

M. Well

GPS turn-by-turn Navigation....

In the spirit of multiple uses of a Personal Reed and "The Extra Implement of Thing" today we present GPS turn-by-turn Navigation.  The other evening The Management was trying to find a location and since we had Personal Reed in tow for which he has many uses and since the Management that night didn't trust the infusion of alien DNA he had received in August of 2007, The Management turned to Personal Reed.  The conversation kinda went like this.  "Hey, where the hell is this place Personal Reed?"  Personal Reed then  said, "This way".  Personal Reed then guided us to our destination turn-by-turn without a flaw and without the need to make an illegal U-turn.  The Management was pleased with the result and we are glad that "the aliens" did install that chip under Personal Reed's hat (shhhh, cuckoo) as they too seem to have a good sense of direction.  The Management and Personal Reed then had plenty of time to arrive for their stated purpose.

Thank you Aliens.

Thank you Personal Reed  (shhh, cuckoo)

That's all.

M. Well

Friday, March 27, 2009

Math Calculations...

When you need to know a quick calculation just ask your Personal Reed.

He just informed the Management that 20 times his weight in beer would be 5000 lbs, 2.5 tons, 598 gallons, 80 cu. ft, or 2264 litres.

All the Management can say is "Reed Wow".

That's all.

M. Well

Reed Wow...He holds 20 times his weight in Beer....

Much like the Sham Wow in this video which holds 20 times it's weight in liquid. Personal Reed in his guise as Reed Wow can absorb 20 times his weight in Beer. The Sham Wow is made in Germany. As we know the Germans always make good stuff. Personal Reed or Reed Wow wasn't made in Germany but his sister was born there and he lived there for 3 years. Obviously honing his talents for beer absorption. The Reed Wow is like a shammy, like a towel, but more importantly like a sponge.

Here's what people are saying about the Reed Wow.

"Hey where'd all my beer go?"

"Hey have you seen my beer?"

"Didn't I just leave my beer on the counter?"

All the Management can say is "Reed Wow".

Beware imitators.

That's all.

M. Well

The Extra Implement of Thing...

When cooking instant rice noodle soup after you spill the flavor packet on the Management's cherry cabinets make sure you stir said noodles with "The Extra Implement of Thing".

The Management has no idea what Personal Reed just said.

That's all.

M. Well

PS He is sober, seriously...currently. right now..

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Personal Disclaimer

The Management reminds us that much like in the 30th degree of the AASR that we don't delude ourselves that the many legends we recite here are necessarily true, but that we do speak in the language of symbols and those who don't understand our symbols have more fulfilling lives than we.

That's all.

M. Well

Gifts and fashion tips

The management here at the Personal Reed Project likes to think they are ahead of the curve when it comes to Haute Couture fashion in the realm of men's clothing accessories. The wearing of a bow-tie once thought to be nerd-like, passe, or silly is just that nerd-like, passe and yes silly. Yet we at the management still wear them and don't really care what you think because we know what the word "Haute Couture" means.

That being said Personal Reed produced a bow-tie the other evening for his edification purposes and in a way that only your big brother can show you up the Management then tied the bow-tie successfully (twice) and said, "Look it's easy".

The management at this time would like to thank Personal Reed for the gift of the new bow-tie from Benjamin French Lodge in Washington DC.

"Look it's easy".

That's all.

M. Well

Proper Beer rotation and storage...

Let's say you have a fridge full of "old Beer". We here at The Personal Reed Project have found yet another valuable and necessary if not life saving function of a Personal Reed.

It's a well known fact that improper rotation of food products can cause people to consume said food products well past their sell by date. This can lead to illness, bitter beer face and a all around malaise of, "Oh well."

Well if you have a Personal Reed not only can proper rotation of perishables take place but also "old Beer" can be removed from the fridge making way for "new Beer". As we all know responsible consumption of "new Beer" is much better and enjoyable than the desperate consumption of "old Beer" and we the management would like to thank Personal Reed for the valuable function in emptying nearly an entire fridge in less than a fortnight. Thank you Personal Reed.

That's all.

M. Well

Monday, March 23, 2009

Web Searches

So I was looking for something and I said, "Hey I wonder such and such"? and low and behold Personal Reed entered something into Google for me.

Wow. That was helpful.

Ok that was dumb, I'm going to bed.

That's all.

M. Well

Snow Removal

So today it snowed in Salt Lake City. Saturday the temperature was 75ºF and this morning it freakin snows. Oh well. Personal Reed had made his way via UTA this morning and I went to work about 9.00am.

Lunch time came and I went home and catered to my curious diet and thought about the driveway and the walk. Well I thought about it and that's about it and then went back to work.

Upon arriving home this evening what surprise did my eyes perceive? The driveway, sidewalk and walkway to the house were all shoveled clean and tidy.

So what may you ask is a benefit of a Personal Reed? Well I didn't have to shovel and I dinna wanna do it today so, "Wow".

Snow Removal.

The marvels and the wonders of a Personal Reed.

I'm amazed.

That's all.

M. Well

HOV lane

SO Friday morning I needed to get downtown. Now not a problem but it was early and I needed to be at my location by 8.30am. SO the night before amidst discussions with my Personal Reed I mentioned I would be traveling up to Salt Lake in the morning. A smile came across the face of Personal Reed like a light bulb turning on in the lonely blackness of a GITMO interrogation room when Personal Reed announced he too needed to be in downtown Salt Lake City by 8.00am.

I made the decision and we would leave early and yes Personal Reed would get a ride with me. Well you might say, "How does this benefit the average person"? "How does this benefit you?"

That's the right question and to you my friend the answer is "HOV lane."

SO by 7.59am I curiously dropped off Personal Reed in front of the Masonic Dedication plaque on the East side of the Salt Palace in down town Salt Lake City just in time for worky worky.

Yes another benefit of a Personal Reed.

That's all.

M. Well

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Personal Reed uses

One of the aims of this site is to promote the advantages of a Personal Reed.  We here the management have decided that a Personal Reed would make great home security.

For Example....

Imagine if you will a burglar decided to invade your quiet suburban home.  Well if you had a property secured by Personal Reed you need not to worry.

The burglar dressed in black creeps up onto your front porch.  He is experienced and his breathing and heart rate slow.  He's done this before.  For good measure he looks over his shoulder once more and slowly and cautiously reaches for the door knob with his black gloved hand.  Using the tools of his trade he manipulates the lock and forces a screwdriver in the jam forcing the door open with a sudden "crack".

Inside there is a blaze of gunfire and the smell of smoke and cordite in the air.  Sweat pours from the brow of Personal Reed as he moves swiftly through the jungle.  The tropical plants they impede his progress but his tired legs push on.  His mind constantly pulls on him as the shooting pain of the plasma laser wound throbs on his left shoulder.  The sweat reaches the corner of his mouth and he tastes the salt.  "Salt", says Personal Reed.  "When is the last time I tasted salt"?  "When is the last time I ate?"  "Tofurkey Sausages sound so good."  No his mission is at hand, he blanks out the hunger, the pain and pushes on.  He's not going to let it happen again. No one else dies today.  Not on his watch.   He will fight off the Alien Nazis from hell they won't get the rest of his local. Besides ere this, he has to complete his mission as there is an 8 am call-out at the South Town Exposition Center tomorrow for the Home and Garden Show.  The smoke clears the trees they do part and there in front of him is Tricia Helfer just as the JEDI had told him.  Surrounding her are the minions of the Extra-terrestrial Socialists. The misshaped silica form of a Horta, a blue skinned black-eyed Wraith and something representing that lady, the one who drove Personal Reed's School Bus when he was 5 years old. With his last remaining strength he pulls himself up wielding his Boomstick not seeing the Ogron dressed as a flight attendant who hits him upside the skull with a loud "crack"...

With a loud gasp of air like Captain Jack waking from the dead Personal Reed rolls from the couch rudely awakened from his sleep apnea riddled fantasy of fortune, glory and adolescent romance.  He bounds to his feet, his red hair flying wildly startling the would be thief all the while roaring obscenities from his drool soaked moustache. The burglar falls back in terror at the awesome site of Personal Reed before him clad in Union T-shirt and boxer shorts.  The burglar tries to catch himself on the door-jam his arms banging and hands grasping in paralyzed fear.  Out the door he rolls onto the porch slamming hard on the concrete stoop smacking hard on his left hip-bone. Personal Reed thoroughly confused makes his way to the door stumbling in the dark without aid of light or his trademark blue spectacles ready to do battle to save the honor of Caprica 6, oh sorry.  I mean ready to open a can of whooparse on this would be invader. However time, experience and fear have taught the old burglar a thing or two. He knows when the jig is up.  He pulls himself up smarting from the intense pain in his hip and runs for his life.  He dares to look over his shoulder at the fearsome mass of Personal Reed now filling the door frame.  His menacing hulk highlighted in the eerie shadows cast from the energy efficient light bulbs installed within the porch lamps earlier that day by the management.

So see there are many uses for a Personal Reed and we hope you have found this entry of benefit.  This home protected by Personal Reed, beware.

That's all.

M. Well