Sunday, March 22, 2009

Personal Reed uses

One of the aims of this site is to promote the advantages of a Personal Reed.  We here the management have decided that a Personal Reed would make great home security.

For Example....

Imagine if you will a burglar decided to invade your quiet suburban home.  Well if you had a property secured by Personal Reed you need not to worry.

The burglar dressed in black creeps up onto your front porch.  He is experienced and his breathing and heart rate slow.  He's done this before.  For good measure he looks over his shoulder once more and slowly and cautiously reaches for the door knob with his black gloved hand.  Using the tools of his trade he manipulates the lock and forces a screwdriver in the jam forcing the door open with a sudden "crack".

Inside there is a blaze of gunfire and the smell of smoke and cordite in the air.  Sweat pours from the brow of Personal Reed as he moves swiftly through the jungle.  The tropical plants they impede his progress but his tired legs push on.  His mind constantly pulls on him as the shooting pain of the plasma laser wound throbs on his left shoulder.  The sweat reaches the corner of his mouth and he tastes the salt.  "Salt", says Personal Reed.  "When is the last time I tasted salt"?  "When is the last time I ate?"  "Tofurkey Sausages sound so good."  No his mission is at hand, he blanks out the hunger, the pain and pushes on.  He's not going to let it happen again. No one else dies today.  Not on his watch.   He will fight off the Alien Nazis from hell they won't get the rest of his local. Besides ere this, he has to complete his mission as there is an 8 am call-out at the South Town Exposition Center tomorrow for the Home and Garden Show.  The smoke clears the trees they do part and there in front of him is Tricia Helfer just as the JEDI had told him.  Surrounding her are the minions of the Extra-terrestrial Socialists. The misshaped silica form of a Horta, a blue skinned black-eyed Wraith and something representing that lady, the one who drove Personal Reed's School Bus when he was 5 years old. With his last remaining strength he pulls himself up wielding his Boomstick not seeing the Ogron dressed as a flight attendant who hits him upside the skull with a loud "crack"...

With a loud gasp of air like Captain Jack waking from the dead Personal Reed rolls from the couch rudely awakened from his sleep apnea riddled fantasy of fortune, glory and adolescent romance.  He bounds to his feet, his red hair flying wildly startling the would be thief all the while roaring obscenities from his drool soaked moustache. The burglar falls back in terror at the awesome site of Personal Reed before him clad in Union T-shirt and boxer shorts.  The burglar tries to catch himself on the door-jam his arms banging and hands grasping in paralyzed fear.  Out the door he rolls onto the porch slamming hard on the concrete stoop smacking hard on his left hip-bone. Personal Reed thoroughly confused makes his way to the door stumbling in the dark without aid of light or his trademark blue spectacles ready to do battle to save the honor of Caprica 6, oh sorry.  I mean ready to open a can of whooparse on this would be invader. However time, experience and fear have taught the old burglar a thing or two. He knows when the jig is up.  He pulls himself up smarting from the intense pain in his hip and runs for his life.  He dares to look over his shoulder at the fearsome mass of Personal Reed now filling the door frame.  His menacing hulk highlighted in the eerie shadows cast from the energy efficient light bulbs installed within the porch lamps earlier that day by the management.

So see there are many uses for a Personal Reed and we hope you have found this entry of benefit.  This home protected by Personal Reed, beware.

That's all.

M. Well

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